So I totally just tried calling a depression hot line and they totally hung up on me. “Here for you 24/7” - yeah okay. Fucking fabulous. This night is progressively getting worse by the minute.
Ironic that everyone says that they are here for me but when I need them most… there’s no one. I’m sick of crying. Why am I even alive? Fuck. Am I really such a bad person? The world would legit be better off without me. I want out.
It’s 2am and all I can do is lay helplessly and miss you. Truth be told I’d rather be up talking to you, laughing with you, just uncontrollably smiling like I always used to instead moping around in this gloomy atmosphere which I resurrected. All these feelings are coming back again - thoughts which I was sure I closed off but here they are again. I miss the way that ice cold feel of the metal of a razor blade used to run across my arms. The blood just smearing down, dripping excessively. The thought of blood is in my head again and that terrifies me. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to kiss your lips and now I’m even more scared than ever before. All it’ll take is just one bit of affection to empty my mind of these twisted thoughts; but I’m afraid - oh baby I’m so afraid. What if I’ve already lost you? What if it’s too late? I think I lost myself somewhere in the process of losing you. I miss you so much. My thoughts are all over the place. I’ve just been so sleepy lately. My logic is; the more I sleep, the less I think of you, the less I miss you - but it’s just so hard to sleep because I just end up staying up, thinking about you, missing you. God dammit. Just fucking kiss me, please, just show me you miss me. The thought of kissing razors is slowly progressing back into my mind. I miss us.
it is actually really sweet when someone stays up late to talk to you
What if they fall asleep by accident though?
then you love it even more because they stayed up even though they were dead tired just to talk to you ya doof